A cucumber, an olive and a pen!s were talking.
The cucumber says “I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad.”
The olive says “That’s nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza.”
The pen!s says “You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up”
There’s this little old lady who has always wanted to join a biker gang, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She boldly proclaims “I want to join your club.” The guy is amused and decides to humor her a bit, so he says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks; do you have a motorcycle? The little old lady replies “Yep… My bikes over there,” and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks “Do you drink?” The little old lady replies, “Yep, I drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”
The biker then asks, “Do you smoke?” The old lady replies, “Yep I smoke like a chimney. 2 packets a day, 3 joints and a couple of cigars in the evening while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker is very impressed and asks, “You sound like one bad mama. Tell me, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
The old lady thinks for a moment and replies “Nope, but I’ve been swung around by the nipples on a couple of occasions!
10. Cats’ facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN